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The best thing to do is simply groups or make conversation. So how do you do this without feeling like you're awkwardly waiting to a conversation? Glad you asked. There are several great places in the swing club that conversation will flow and come naturally and you will not feel like you are imposing on a conversation in progress.
Among these are the bar, the swimming pool, the hot tub sthe smoking room, and the outdoor fire pit, if there happens to be one with a fire going that night. These places are great because conversation is secondary to another activity. You won't feel like you are trying to impose yourself on a conversation with strangers and they won't feel like you are imposing. People go to the bar to drink and engage in conversation.
People go to the hot tub to soak and engage in conversation. People go to the pool to swim or play water-volleyball and engage in conversation. People go to the smoking lounge to smoke and engage in conversation. People go to the fire pit to get warm, roast marshmallows and engage in conversation. Are you seeing a pattern here? There is always a primary reason to be at these places where people like light conversation to augment what is going on. If you simply place yourself in these places and say "Hi", a couple, single lady, or group is very likely to strike up conversation with you.
Once you take this simple step, you are literally at least times more likely to play than if you keep to yourself or even sit in a high traffic area hoping someone will approach you. There is no fear of rejection because you are not asking for sex, you are engaging in conversation that should come quite naturally. The hot tub and smoking area are particularly great because people are usually facing each other in a smaller area, and no one wants to sit in awkward silence.
Even if you don't smoke it may be well worth your while to sit in the smoking room and enjoy a drink or soda.
No one will care that you are not smoking and, if someone does point out the fact that you are not smoking or asks you why you are in the smoker's lounge you simply say, "The smoking area is usually where you find the best conversation!
Be yourself and if that doesn't work, be yourself! In fact, you will most likely only play with a very small minority of the women and couples you meet. Don't be alarmed by this, it's the same for couples and even single ladies.
So if you meet a couple or woman you want to play with and it doesn't go there, don't worry; it's not a failure. Anytime you comfortably engage in conversation it's a success. It's a s game: You talk to enough people and eventually you will get laid.
You are in a swingers' club after all!
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Some people will not play with you on a first meet, but may play with you at a later date or time. Some couples will want to talk about you together before they invite you into their sex life. Some people will never swing with you. That's okay too. When all else fails, continue to be yourself.
And you don't need to worry about impressing the pseudo-swingers because they were never really going to fuck you or anyone else anyway. There's one more very important reason to be yourself: The sex will often almost always reflect the situation. While it may seem to a single guy that any sex is good sex at first, once you become experienced you will see that quality trumps quantity every time. In fact, quality le to quantity! If the experience is comfortable and good for all involved the couple may ask you back to play again, will definitely talk you up to their friends, and the more good experiences you have the more your confidence will grow!
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This all all in more play in the long-term for you! For the single male new to the lifestyle this could be the majority of the time at first. If you are trying too hard, or are too tied to the outcome you will put pressure on yourself and you will say and do all the wrong things.
For many couples it's not just about fucking.
Of course it's definitely about fucking, but not JUST fucking. There is far more going on here than that. This is about freedom, trust, friendship, and there are a myriad of reasons couples are involved in this thing that you can never understand unless you have been a part of a loving swing partnership.
While you are ultimately at the club for sex, if you don't enjoy other aspects of "the lifestyle" you are in the wrong place. If you don't enjoy more about this thing than just "getting laid", then you are just not a swinger.
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Save yourself some money and go to a singles bar. You will pay more for alcohol than you will at the BYOB swing clubs, but you won't be paying 50 to dollars or more for the simple privilege of walking through the door. If you have ever been to a swing club you have probably seen him.
Depending on the club you are at you may have seen him hundreds, or even thousands of times. He's the guy who follows or even chases women around the club, makes cheesy come-ons, is way too aggressive, and usually makes a bee-line for a woman the moment her partner goes to the restroom or disappears from sight. In short, don't be an aggressive asshole. At the larger clubs these morons can run in packs of five, ten or more.
Most couples are not looking for an asshole, so don't be one. And if you still think you need to be overly-aggressive to score, consider this: If a couple is willing to swing with an aggressive prick they have plenty of men to choose from.
You will be one of many aggressive jerks competing for the attention of one or two couples at best while the rest of the couples that may be looking for a single guy will be choosing from a few single men who know and practice the secrets you are learning right now. In short: The vast majority of single men never get laid at swing clubs because they are either too shy or too aggressive. If you are going to be the jerk who chases women around the club you are going to end up jerking off with ten other men while you watch some exhibitionist couple have sex.
If that's what you are there for great!
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If not, save yourself some money and rent a porn. Don't make "Jr.
If the couple or single female goes there, and this seems to be what they want, then fine. But if you go there first you will almost guarantee that you won't be playing that night. An example of this is saying something like, "I've got some sausage for you, baby! Witty and subtle sexual innuendo can be great if it's your real personality and you are getting a sexual vibe from the couple.
Picking up on flirtatious cues and reciprocating is awesome. Even steering the conversation toward the sexual at the right time is something that can increase your chances of success. These subtle skills and ability to read people will come naturally, if you are not already adept, as you gain more experience in the lifestyle and your confidence grows. It's like driving a car. You probably do things and react to situations naturally that you had to nervously think about when you first got your learner's permit.
If you are not adept at picking up on cues don't worry, that skill will come! It's better not to try to force things and miss a few cues than to kill your chances with a lame joke or cheesy come-on. On several occasions when we have been interested in a single guy who is comfortably engaging in conversation but missing our cues we have simply pulled him aside and asked him if he would like to us in a threesome. Not every couple will do this but it does happen, and more often than you think! If you are feeling like a newbie but still want to practice the skill of picking up cues and making appropriate jokes so as not to miss opportunities you probably have the following question: How do you tell if you are being witty or making a lame come-on?
Fortunately, the answer is simple!
If it the conversation feels natural you are probably being witty. If you find yourself looking for an opportunity to say something sexual or are trying to force it you will probably come off poorly. The best rule of thumb is this: If it's something that might come out of a horny eighth-grader's mouth it's probably best not to say it.
Flirting is an invitation to flirt back, not to caress her breasts, rub your penis against her, or touch her legs. There are only two universal, stead-fast rules throughout the lifestyle: 1. Ask before you touch.